Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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