Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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