Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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