put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
