Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
