Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
