I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
