my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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