Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
