Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
