she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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