let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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