are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
