hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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