I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
