Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
