I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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