btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
