Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
