I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
