you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
