dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
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