is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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