We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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