apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.