Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
