girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
