Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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