so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
