The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So here I am, sexting at work.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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