I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
