so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Randomize
