I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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