My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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