I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
