Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
