There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
