did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
