And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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