You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
