apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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