I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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