Cold hands, warm shart.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
