I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Farmville is her only friend.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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