why im i the only drunk person in the library?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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