My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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