I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
