Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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