We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
