awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
