Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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