my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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