is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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