they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
