I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
