My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
