A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
