Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
