He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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