well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
