do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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