Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
